I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
