Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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