if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
...so i touched it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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