So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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