Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
