I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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