she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
