Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
