why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
