do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
