Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
