is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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