allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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