I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
