you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
