It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
