we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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