We're like a lot better than the average bears
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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