I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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