May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
