like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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