the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
