I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
