After last night, I could never be a politician.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
