I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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