Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
