Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
