just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
