what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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