There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
