Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
