you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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