Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
