Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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