i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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