sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
