why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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