i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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