I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
