I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
