At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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