her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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