First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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