just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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