while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
