I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
