my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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