I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
