It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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