i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize