Ketchup is God's man juice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
