I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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