Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
