The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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