Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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