Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
