Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
