Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize