It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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