A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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