No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
