You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
