Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
