Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
