Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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