I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
