why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
