i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
